November 8

I wonder when I'll start to feel secure about this project. I'm writing more slowly and deliberately now, and exciting things are happening to my characters. They've become significantly darker and more interesting. But I can't shake the mean little voice on my shoulder, telling me I'm writing a very crappy book about a subject I remember nothing about, and I should just stop now.

Of course, this is the whole point of this project, isn't it? Not to listen to that voice, and to just keep going? Even if, in the end, it does indeed turn out to be a crappy book, I hope to learn how to get past this point. I hear it gets better, that week three the storm clouds break and the sun peeks through and everything feels sunnier.

For now I'm trying to be useful and channel my novel-writing angst into pre-teen girl angst. Sigh. I have no idea if it's working. This is a very solitary process, which I usually like, but I wish I had some cheerleaders in my corner at the moment. I suppose I could go post on the NaNo forums, but I've been trying not to get sucked in there.

Today's Word Count: 2,189/2,000
Total Word Count: 19,054/50,000 (38% of the way!)