Writing an Article in 20 Steps

1. Feel the urge to write something.
2. Sit at the computer. Get comfortable.
3. Open a Word document.
4. Stare.
5. Quickly bang out an opening sentence.
6. Quickly delete said opening sentence.
7. Check e-mail.
8. IM with friend who happens to be online.
9. Conclude conversation, telling friend you "must get to work."
10. Go to kitchen, prepare and consume snack.
11. Pace apartment, noting flaws in housekeeping. Consider doing a chore.
12. Return to computer, check forums for new messages.
13. Write a list of ways to procrastinate, and post list on blog.
14. Audition different colors for blog.
15. Read other blogs, chosen at random using "next blog" feature, to note color schemes.
16. Think about how you should learn a foreign language, because on your next trip the French/German/Italian fruit vendors will be so impressed when you order in their language.
17. Guiltily pull up Word document again and pour out some aimless drivel.
18. Edit.
19. E-mail to publisher.
20. You're done! You have finished your first column. Bask in the glory while contemplating the theme for your novel.